Silent Pain by Helen Germanos

Author:Helen Germanos
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Troubador Publishing Ltd
Published: 2015-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

Self- Control

Structure, support and clear boundaries appear to be key elements that help a child (or even an adult) to develop the skill to know how to act and react appropriately in a situation. Children need structure to learn what is appropriate and what is not. They also need structure and support from others in order to feel safe. Learning boundaries, interestingly, gives a child freedom to explore and discover who they are and how they fit within the structure that exists in their family or community at large. It is clear by observing children with severe emotional and behavioral outbursts how they are able to calm down and reevaluate their lives when they are put in an environment where they feel safe and with strong role models, support and structure. What children learn in a secure environment is a level of self-control, self-awareness and focus. Self-control and focus have been found more predictive of a balanced and successful future than a person’s IQ, meaning that no matter how intelligent you are, you also need emotional intelligence in order to be able effectively to live your life in an emotionally balanced way.

We need to examine ourselves. We need to look at what we can learn from our parents and their lives, and if possible that of our grandparents, what experiences may have seriously affected them and how they managed them. It may give us some real clues as to how and why we respond to situations in the way we do. It may also help our parents and our relationship with them.

We also need to look back over our relationship(s) with our parents and/or other primary caregivers and determine which one of the relating/attachment styles best describes us. This will help us to determine what level of emotional intelligence we have – what level of awareness we have of our needs, our ability to communicate them and ask for help. It may be helpful to ask yourself the following: are you aware of your own needs, or do you tend to be focused on taking care of others? Do you find that you are overgenerous and leap to the aid of others, even to the detriment of your own wellbeing?

Suffering from AF and CFS actually provides you with an opportunity to take a closer look at your overall lifestyle. Do you enjoy the job you are in, or do you feel trapped? What level of expectations – your own or of those around you – exist in your day-to-day experience both at work and at home? What level of stress is there in your life? Do you have well-defined daily downtime? What level of joy exists in your life? When was the last time you just kicked back, relaxed and let the world go by without giving it a second thought, or simply observed it without feeling you had to ‘do something’?

The conclusion I have drawn is that those who develop CFS feel insecure with how they relate to the

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